I love him. I love him not. My affair with John Mayer
My girlfriends and I have often sat around and discussed the inner-complexities of our failed relationships and we noticed they have a very common theme. They go something like this:
”It started out GREAT! He was so perfect and sweet to me! And then I don’t know what happened. He became disconnected and a total jerk to me after a while. Then, he started seeing other people and started talking about when he banged Jessica Simpson, she was like sexual napalm! And then I cried and cried…because I still love him and he keeps toying with my HEAD!”
Familiar story, huh? No stranger to heartbreak, this is how I feel about John Mayer. He started out so GOOD! Pure, untouched, so bravely talented and then what happened? And why am I still buying his CD’s and going to his shows? I know. Because I keep hoping he’s the same old sweet John Mayer that would sing my heart better than I could…way before he became suchacolossaljerk (please start using this *word in Scrabble).
After discovering his music when he was a regular playing at lil’ ol’ Eddie’s Attic in Atlanta, I was instantly obsessed (I know, shocking) and after a while, realized he was playing me like a fool just like he played the beautiful little starlets in Hollywood. Check out our love timeline:
- Inside Wants Out (1999 – self-released EP). OMG! I know it. He’s the ONE!
- Room for Squares (2001). Wow! Now everyone is going to know how AMAZING he is!
- Heavier Things (2003). I’m still under his spell. Swoooooon!
- Continuum (2006). Okay, a little more mature – but still sorta cool
- Battle Studies (2009). Formulaic ho-hum with a heavy swig of a-hole!
I’ve hinted about my tumultous love affair with John Mayer here and here. Unless you’ve been under a rock, John Mayer has turned into a gigantic tweeting self-involved, oh-so-clever douche in the media and a total man-whore with Hollywood’s hottest.
Here’s where this gets annoying. He can write a damn good song and masterfully rips on the guitar with as much skill as Bill Gates knows how to turn a buck. As much as his Stupid Mouth gets him into trouble like the recent Playboy Interview debacle, I still buy his new CD’s and still have tickets to see his show tonight at Atlanta’s Philips Arena. Not only that, my nose will be dripping with blood as my seats are totally up in the rafters. He still treats me like garbage but I still keep coming back for more-
When will a girl ever learn…
He better be good tonight. I’m doing my own Battle Studies.
Related posts:
I appreciate the man. After all…without his idiotic banter…I would have gone through life imagining sex with Jessica Simpson, while visually pleasing, would be like stuffing a zucchini into a paper bag full of slightly boiled red potatoes.
Now…I will die knowing that she’s a monster in the sack and that some black comedians (Dave Chapelle) actually do have white friends.
Dear “the awesomeness,”
LQTM – Laughing Quietly To Myself. Too funny! Thanks for the commentary-
Keep Chapelle and drop John.
Allison, honey, you’ve got to let this one go. I agree that he was cute and super-talented and all of that, but he has become the worst fame whore this side of Jon & Kate. Really. He needs to take a little hiatus and then come back after his PR people do some creative spin to help us forget how very douchey he is.
On the bright side, I bet there are enough girls like you out there where you could have support meetings.
In Bull Durham, they talked about Tim Robbins’ character “Nuke” as having a million dollar arm and a five cent head. Replace “arm” with “musical talent” and you have John Mayer. The difference is in the movie Nuke grew up, and Mayer is a permanent adolescent.
Amy, Hilarious! Thanks for the comment…and for the record, I totally agree.
Oh wow, I didn’t know you had as much of a love affair with John as I have. That’s awesome.
Anyways, personally I don’t pay attention to all the media and whatnot and it’s all about the music for me. I get crap from my friends that I’m a big fan of his, but I don’t care, f’ em.
I think he’s always been that sarcastic smart ass all along, it just came into the open the last few years as his popularity has grown. Though I haven’t seen him live since the summer 04 shows in Birmingham and Atlanta. The two most amazing shows I’ve ever experienced.